Rules of the Ark
by vericus
Summary: G1, implied slash - The crew of the Ark has spent a lot of time getting used to dealing with each other's quirks - so much so that they barely notice them anymore. Which is somewhat unfortunate for the new bots.
1. Mirage

**Rules of the Ark**

**Pairing/Characters:** Just about everybody? Blurr, Hot Rod, Springer, Arcee, and Elita One are most prominent, however.

**Disclaimer:** Not mine.

**Author's Note:** Yeah...this little idea popped into my brain a long time ago, and I wrote several parts to it, but then I kind of petered out. I kept meaning to go back, but the more I look over it, the more I doubt I'll ever go back. So I decided to just post what I have. Also, I'm currently seeking a new summary. Seriously. I think this is the suckiest one I've EVER come up with. O.o

- **#1: Watch out for Mirage **-

Blurr was babbling happily to Hot Rod about anything and everything, zipping around from spot to spot as he usually did. Hot Rod was trying his best to ignore him, focusing on getting to this antiquated, crashed space-ship's rec room for some energon. It had been a long trip from Cybertron, and, it seemed, an even longer debriefing. And he'd had to put up with Blurr the _entire _time.

So when he heard a sudden _clang_, followed by a yelp, he couldn't help but turn around with a grin, gleeful at the thought that the speedy mech had finally run into something. Hot Rod, and several others, had been waiting for it to happen for some time now. When he turned around, however, he found Blurr sitting on his aft in the middle of the hallway, looking confused, with no one, and nothing, else around that the mech could have run into.

"Blurr?" he asked curiously.

"I -" the speed bot seemed to have been surprised into silence, which made Hot Rod immediately appreciate whatever the mysterious cause of Blurr's abrupt stop was. However, he couldn't just leave Blurr sitting on the floor like he was glitched, so Hot Rod went to give him a hand up - only to trip on something and fall flat on the floor.

"Watch it!" a voice snapped out of nowhere, and Hot Rod looked around in alarm. As he did, a glowing outline suddenly appeared in front of Blurr, in the space he'd tripped over, and a few moments later, resolved itself as a blue mech, who was glaring at Hot Rod and Blurr with equal annoyance. "Some of us are trying to walk here." the mech said bitingly, then pushed himself to his feet. His outline glowed once again as he faded from view, and then he was gone.

The two bots stayed still for several moments, staring at the spot the mech had disappeared, before Hot Rod cautiously stood, offering Blurr a hand up only after he didn't run into anymore invisible mechs.

"That was...interesting." Hot Rod said, and Blurr began agreeing, already going a mile a minute.

--

"Hot Rod! Stop shooting!" Hot Rod glanced over in confusion at the order from Prowl, but stopped firing across the field at the Decepticons. Then he jerked back with wide optics as he suddenly found an irate yellow mini-bot in his face.

"Did you listen to _anything _in the briefing, or did you just turn off your audios and pretend you were back on Cybertron?! We don't shoot until after Mirage gets back!" Bumblebee ranted. "If he comes back with one, _one _scratch on him, I'm blaming _you_!"

"Wha -?" Hot Rod replied cluelessly.

"Relax, Bumblebee. He missed me." a voice said from thin air, and like a shot, Bumblebee was back at his position, giving the order to open fire. Hot Rod just stared dumbly after him for a moment before a pointed remark from Prowl made him shake himself and start firing again.

"You get used to it eventually." Jazz offered from beside Hot Rod.

"Get used to what?" Hot Rod asked.

"Watching out for Mirage." Jazz replied with a grin. Hot Rod just nodded in confusion, not wanting to know how one got used to watching out for a mech that seemed to spend most of his time being invisible.

**- TBC -**


	2. Femmes

**Rules of the Ark**

**Disclaimer:** Not mine.

**Author's Note:** This was actually written before "Feel the Music", and was what originally brought lap-dancing 'bots to mind for me.

- **#2: Just because someone's on Cybertron, doesn't mean they can't come kick your aft, so don't even think about it. **-

If the human woman could be even more obvious with her flirting, Prowl didn't want to know it. The only thing he _did_ want to know, actually, was what had made her think that a giant alien robot could be attracted to a fleshy organic. Also, why Prime was putting up with it. Even though she _was_ the official liaison between the Autobots and the companies helping supply resources for the building of Metroplex, her behavior was disgraceful, and personally, Prowl would have long ago ended the tour and sent her packing, followed by a request for a change of liaison. It wasn't that he would've been bothered by her flirting, it's just that he doubted she would be a very effective liaison, considering all her attention was on - what was the human saying? Oh yes, 'trying to get into Optimus' pants'. Not that he had pants. Even if he had, it wouldn't have done the woman much good.

Prowl just shook his head as Prime finally led the flirtatious woman out of the control room, and he turned back to Teletraan-1. Then promptly did a double-take as he saw an incoming Autobot on one of the monitors. He didn't need Teletraan-1's scans to tell him who it was, he just didn't believe it as he stood there, gaping. The Autobot had reached the entrance to the Ark by the time he'd recovered, and he quickly went to go greet them.

"Elita One - we weren't expecting you for some time yet." Prowl said, leaving the question unasked as to how she'd gotten there when all spaceships were currently on earth.

"I'm sorry for the lack of warning, Prowl, but I'm only here for a brief visit." the pink femme said politely. "Could you tell me where Optimus is?"

"Uh - he's giving a tour of the Ark to one of the human liaisons..." Prowl said, trailing off and frowning suspiciously as he eyed the femme commander. "They just left the control room a short while ago, they should be somewhere nearby."

"Thank you." Elita said pleasantly, setting off, and as soon as she was out of sight, Prowl made a bee-line for the security office.

"Prowl, what in -" Red Alert cut off with a yelp as Prowl pushed him aside, pulling up the security monitors around the control room until he finally found Prime and the human walking down a corridor. There was no sound, unfortunately, but the events that followed didn't need sound. Prowl just watched in amusement as Elita One arrived on the scene, much to the obvious surprise and pleasure of Prime, while the human woman actually looked - offended? Jealous?

Prowl didn't have time to fully categorize the emotions on the woman's face before Elita One said something that had Prime apologizing to the woman, then taking off. Elita One and the human woman then continued down the hallway, the latter quite stiffly. Words passed, with the woman becoming visibly more uncomfortable, and Prowl chuckled slightly as he switched cameras to follow them. Prime eventually returned, and Elita One gave him a brief kiss before saying goodbye and taking off again, heading out of the Ark.

Prowl couldn't help but notice that the woman now kept a healthy distance from Prime, and seemed to be taking things a lot more seriously, actually looking at the things Prime pointed out to her, instead of at the Autobot commander.

--

Ratchet frowned and tilted his head to one side as he watched Arcee limp into his med bay. Most of the mechs on the base had been overjoyed when they'd heard that the first femme was being permanently transferred to Earth, so the medic had to wonder how she'd ended up so completely slagged. He opened his mouth to ask, but Arcee held up a hand, wearily.

"Don't. Just...don't." she said with a sigh. "Just fix me up so I can get back to pretending this never happened." Ratchet arched an optics ridge, but did as asked.

"Who...?" Ratchet couldn't help but ask in puzzlement as he ran the preliminary scan and found that the damage was very localized, very specific - Arcee's attacker evidently knew femme physiology, knew how it differed from a mech's, and thus just where to hit to disable one without causing permanent or irreparable damage.

"I'm never drinking any of the twin's high grade ever again." Arcee grunted in response, and Ratchet frowned again - there had been a massive 'Welcome to Earth' party two days ago, which the medic knew Arcee had attended, but he'd seen her since then, and she hadn't been even slightly damaged. Unless, of course, she'd been drinking since then - which was unlikely, considering that the twins had left on patrol the morning after the party, and they made good and sure to lock up their quarters, and their stash of high grade, before they both left base. That left someone getting back at Arcee for something that happened during the party, but who would have waited two days for revenge, when there had been a (reportedly) very over-charged Arcee at their mercy at the party itself?

A stray tale about the party popped into Ratchet's head as he realized that there was one Cybertronian that would feel the need to get back at Arcee, and, due to circumstances, would have had to delay their revenge slightly. It was also entirely within their personality to achieve revenge in such a way as Arcee was now sporting.

"The high grade isn't so bad - it's the deciding to give Ironhide a lap dance that's the problem, especially when there's enough witnesses around to ensure it gets back to Chromia." Ratchet commented, and Arcee growled.

"Mute it!"

**- TBC -**


	3. Decepticons

**Rules of the Ark**

**Disclaimer:** Not mine.

**- #3: ****Unless it's Ravage, Buzzsaw, or Laserbeak, if you find a lone Decepticon wandering the halls looking smug/dazed, pretend you didn't**

Arcee sighed as she headed towards the security office to begin her shift. She wasn't technically trained to be a security officer, but with all the work everyone was putting into building Metroplex, many of the Autobots were having to do unusual jobs. So here she was, heading towards the security office at two in the morning, earth time, to relieve Red Alert.

The fact that she was still waking up her systems was the only reason she could think of for why it didn't register for several seconds when a smug-looking Starscream sauntered past her in the hall, giving her a pleasant 'good evening'. When it finally did register, she whirled around with a yelp, and stared as the Decepticon blithely continued down the hallway. Then her CPU caught up with what was happening, and she whirled, prepared to sprint the remaining distance to the security office to sound the alarm.

"Ah, Arcee. Right on time." Red Alert said pleasantly, standing in the doorway of said office.

"Red Alert, Starscream -" Arcee began, but stopped as Red Alert strolled up to her and handed her a datapad without pause.

"I wrote up some basic instructions for you. I suggest you also read the procedural manual again when you have the time. I know you only skimmed it the first time, and it wouldn't do to have Decepticons invade the base just because you missed a paragraph." the security director said with an indulgent smile.

"But Starscream -"

"Anyways, have a good shift, Inferno will be by to relieve you at 10 o'clock." Red Alert said with a broad smile, cutting Arcee off again, then headed off down the hall. The femme turned and watched him go with wide optics. Starscream was still visible, heading for the end of the hallway - there was no way Red Alert could have missed him. But he did nothing more than follow the Decepticon Air Commander, and as he turned the corner, Arcee caught a glimpse of a wicked smirk on Red Alert's face.

She stood in the hallway for several more moments before nervously glancing down at the data pad, half expecting it to be a letter of resignation or something, but found it was nothing more than what Red Alert had stated - basic instructions for how to run the shift. Disturbed, Arcee stepped carefully into the security office, and pulled up the cameras for the hallway Red Alert and Starscream were now in.

Cautiously curious, not sure if she wanted to know, Arcee followed the two through the base via the cameras, twitching every time Starscream passed a long-time Ark resident only to be ignored. Ratchet, Brawn, Mirage, Huffer - not a single one of the Autobots said a word, or even acknowledged Starscream. Mirage waved to Red Alert, Huffer gave the security director a smirk, and Ratchet glared at him - but Starscream was ignored. Then, Starscream abruptly stopped in front of a door and turned around, smirking. Red Alert caught up quickly, punching in a code for the door, and walked inside, the Decepticon following.

Arcee caught a glimpse of personal quarters before the door shut, and stared at the screen in a mixture of horror, fascination, and shock for several more minutes before her CPU determined it had become locked in an indefinite loop and rebooted.

When Inferno came to relieve her later and asked if Red Alert had given her a hard time, Arcee just mumbled something indistinct and got out of there as fast as she could.

--

Blurr was speeding along the hallway past the Aerialbots' common room when something registered as being out of the ordinary, and he turned and sped back, only to stop in confusion as he realized what it had been. One of the Decepticon Seekers - Skywarp, he thought his name was - was just leaving the Aerialbots' common room, looking dazed and happy. Laughter could be heard from inside the common room itself, and as Blurr watched, Air Raid and Slingshot stuck their heads out of the room to watch Skywarp's progression down the hall.

"He looks a little dazed, Raid. Maybe we should escort him to the entrance, so he doesn't get lost." Slingshot snickered.

"Good idea, Slingshot." Silverbolt's voice came from inside the common room, and the two jets looked back inside with frowns. Something silent must have passed between them and their leader, because a few moments later, they stepped fully out into the hallway with grumbles and headed off after Skywarp.

"'Night, Blurr!" Air Raid said cheerfully as they passed him. Slingshot just scowled. Skywarp grinned goofily.

Blurr rebooted his optics once, twice...and then shook his head and took off running. He may have been the fastest bot on the planet, but there were some things that just didn't make sense unless you'd been around for the slow build up leading to them.

**- TBC -**


	4. Going Native

**Rules of the Ark**

**Disclaimer:** Not mine.

**Author's Note: **Quite possibly the funniest of the lot, at least in my opinion...

**- Ark Rule #4: There are no feathered, low flying, semi-aquatic birds in the Ark. -**

"Duck!" Sideswipe yelped, and Springer frowned.

"What?" he asked, and then pain blossomed in the back of his head as he went flying forwards. He dimly heard someone yelp, and four other voices laughing, as he lost conciousness.

--

"Duck!" the call came from farther down the hallway, and Springer watched as Prowl, who he'd been talking to, abruptly bent nearly double, and several Aerialbots shot over his head. The tactician straightened and kept walking and talking as if it had never happened, only pausing to give Springer an odd look when he realized the triple-changer wasn't following.

--

"Duck!" a voice yelled in alarm, and Springer did so, not pausing as he continued to describe some of the things he'd seen on his flight over the Rocky Mountains to Hot Rod. The jet engines of the Aerialbots screamed over head, and once they were gone, Springer straightened, still waxing poetic, only to pause when he saw Hot Rod giving him an odd look.

"What?" he asked, defensively.

**- END -**


End file.
